


Glissando

by IcarusWings87



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Anxiety, But A Good Ending, Depression, Disabled Character, F/F, angsty, kind of is but only because of the support, not really a love story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-02 05:04:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10210196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IcarusWings87/pseuds/IcarusWings87
Summary: Maki attempts to cope with her reality after a car wreck. Nico is at her side.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s note: This is unbeta’d and edited at early hours of the morning. It was something in my brain so I put it down in words. TW for depression and past injury/ a partially disabled character. But I think it’s something good in the end. 
> 
> Warning: Feels ahead.  
> \---

Standing under the stream of scalding water, Maki did her best to let the tension drain from her body. She’d spent the day in bed, watching as morning turned to afternoon and finally evening. She’d seen no reason to get out of bed. It had only been when she’d received a phone call from Nico that she’d gotten out of bed and into the shower.

That phone call had meant she’d be graced with Nico’s company within a few hours. If it was a courtesy or an unvoiced threat to get herself up and presentable, she didn’t know. Nico had a way of getting people do things her way. The normal Maki would argue with and fight against the tide that was Nico, but she wasn’t that Maki anymore. This Maki hadn’t felt like fighting in a long time. Not since that day.

She could have just stayed in bed and continued to not care. But even if she couldn’t care for herself, she still tried to care for Nico. She felt like she owed her that much. Even if she didn’t feel like owing it to herself. And up she had gotten.

Maki couldn’t say how long she’d been standing in the shower but she knew it had been a while. The red flush of the skin on her back and the severe pruning of her fingers was a clear sign that she should get out soon but as the hot water she couldn’t really feel threatened to burn her skin off she realized that she hadn’t washed her hair yet. She’d only gotten as far as staring blankly as she leaned against her head against the wall.

She needed to finish her shower if she wanted to at least pretend that she was still a functioning human being.

Maki reached out, forgetting for a moment that things were anything but normal. As the fingers of her right hand wrapped around the wet plastic of the shampoo bottle, the container slipped and her grip failed. The bottle fell to the floor of the shower with a long bang, it’s contents spilling everywhere as the plastic broke open. The nerves in Maki’s arm had failed. Her reaction time slowed by the lack of response as her hand refused to receive the signals coming from her brain.

It happened every time.

Maki cursed as she stepped away from the mess. Her tears of frustration intermingled with the water from the shower as she tried to still her chaotic thoughts as they rushed through her head. She couldn’t even wash her hair without incident. This was why she had stayed in bed. Every time she tried to do anything she had failed. This wasn’t her life anymore. She slammed her other hand against the shower tile, cursing once more as she felt the pain from the impact throb sharply.

The water turned icy. She yelped as she scrambled to turn off the water, the squeak of the faucet handle hurting her already sensitive mood.

She crouched down in the shower, wrapping her arms around her knees as best as she could. The tears were still falling as she stared at the spilled shampoo on the floor. It should have been a small thing but after months and months of the same thing, struggling to recover and witnessing as her physical therapy did nothing she felt her optimism all but disappear.

The doorbell rang but Maki didn’t move. She felt numb and unable to face the person she knew to be behind the door. Her boundless cheer destined to grate against her nerves. She wanted to stay in the bathroom and hide.

The bell rang again. And then again and again, more and more rapidly until she couldn’t possibly ignore it.

She crawled out of the shower, wrapping herself in a towel with a bit of difficulty. She knew she needed to get to the door or else---

The sound of the door being unlocked and opened reached her ears.

“Maki-chan! I let myself.” The much was so obvious. Nico’s voice rang out across the apartment, accompanied by the rustling sound of paper bags and the jingling of keys. Maki had given - no, Nico had taken a copy of Maki’s apartment key after the accident. She’d insisted. Maki didn’t fight it. She hadn’t cared.

“Maki-chan did you fall back asleep?”

There was an undeniable hint of worry in Nico’s voice that was layered beneath the usual bossy cheerfulness.

Maki tried to answer but found her voice missing. She sniffled, wiping away the last of her tears as she struggled to her feet. She managed without falling. That was something.

Nico’s footsteps grew closer, signalling that she had entered the bedroom. A few moments later another knock came against the sturdy bathroom door.

“Maki-chan? You in there?” The worry had increased in Nico’s voice. Maki didn’t like hearing it and that push allowed her to finally find her voice.

“Y-yes.” Her voice cracked, much to her displeasure but it was steady enough considering that she’d had a breakdown over a shampoo bottle.

“Everything okay?” Nico asked after a long pause.

“Yes.” Maki answered automatically. “Just finishing my shower. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

That seemed to satisfy Nico for the moment. “Ok. I’ll be in the kitchen when you’re done.”

After Maki was sure that Nico was gone from the other side of the door, she let out a long sigh. She’d need to clean up her mess in here before she could get dressed and try to face Nico.

\---

Nico was indeed in the kitchen when Maki finally slogged her way out of her bedroom after she had gotten dressed. Her hair was still mostly wet, not having bothered to blow dry it. It’s messy red mass whispering in different directions as if the nest was threatening to take over Maki’s head when she wasn’t looking.

She placed her right hand on her back and stretched as she watched Nico work with her back turned to the living room. Nico was humming some peppy idol song as she stirred a small pot on the stove. Maki couldn’t deny that she was a little glad to see her even if she felt a little odd with the shorter woman invading her space. She’d pushed out the rest of the world but Nico insisted on pushing back, showing up every other day to make sure that Maki was still eating. Maki didn’t think she deserved it.

Maki lingered in the doorway, not knowing she was staring until Nico tapped her on the shoulder with her spoon. Maki blinked, looking down at Nico who had appeared in front of her.

“I know Nico-nii is attractive and interesting but you shouldn’t stare, Maki-chan, it’s rude.”

She nodded slightly, her gaze moving away from Nico to look at a picture on the wall. It was a photo of one of Maki’s numerous piano recitals. Maki was sitting, hands on the keys poised to play the song she’d spent countless hours practicing. There was a happy expression on her face. Maki could remember it vividly but it didn’t make her happy. She frowned deeply.

Nico was quick to notice and she tapped Maki on the shoulder once more.

When Maki looked back at her, Nico was gazing at her with a soft expression. It was searching, anchoring in its own way. Maki cleared her vision with another blink so she could see Nico properly.

“What?” Maki asked. Her voice was quiet.

Nico took another moment appraising Maki. She shook her head, deciding against whatever it was she was going to ask.

“Are you hungry?” Nico asked instead.

Maki shrugged. She really didn’t know. Hungry hadn’t been in her thoughts since the last time Nico had been there.

Nico’s usual demeanor took over and she rolled her eyes in annoyance. But even then it was a more gentle motion.

“Well, you still need food.” Nico said, walking over to a plate on the counter. She turned, holding it out to Maki, offering its contents of different flavors rice balls that sat atop it. “Here, take one.”

Maki opened her mouth to decline it but Nico raised an eyebrow as if to say ‘you don’t have a choice here, take a damn rice ball.’

Maki sighed and took the middle rice ball; a black sesame seed and salmon one. “Thanks.” Maki muttered before taking a small bite, the rice ball clutched between both hands for security. Nico looked pleased, smiling broadly before skipping back to her cooking station.

“Lunch will be ready in a few.” She said.

Maki nodded and took another bite. The food hit her stomach, making her aware just how long it had been since she’d eaten. She turned and headed into the living room, still munching on the rice ball. She stopped when she reached the couch, undecided if she should sit upon it or in the chair near the window. Maybe some sunlight would be good even if she couldn’t stand going outside.

She walked to the window and stood looking out of it. The rays of the sun were warm on her skin, but as she watched the people walk down the street below she wondered how they were able to do it. She felt so distant from them, now. She didn’t know how to be in that world anymore. She felt like a coward but at least in here she was safe. No one knew what she had become.

‘Well, almost no one,’ she thought as she glanced back to the kitchen where Nico was still working with a smile on her face. It made Maki smile to see her. The last of the rice ball was eaten quickly after that as she felt the love that Nico had always claimed that she put in each bit of her cooking.

A loud bang from outside interrupted her thoughts. A screech of breaks and the commotion of a crowd. Her attention draw back outside, Maki saw that someone had almost been hit by a car. Luckily, no one appeared to be injured but the sound and the scene in front of her created a bigger problem - Maki had started to hyperventilate.

The anxiety sharply hit her system throwing her mind back into the hell of that day. The air felt cold and her mind was flooded with the images and sounds that she would rather forget. She remembered every detail leading up to the moment. The sound of the busy traffic as it went by. She’d stopped at the intersection near her work. She could smell the deep roast of the coffee she had picked up on her drive to work. She could visualize the changing of the light from red to green and feel the pressure from her foot onto the pedal as she eased the car forward.

And she felt time stop as the impact of the car who had run the stop light slam into the side of her car at high speed, the metal bending and giving way as Maki was thrown and spun across the road. The panic in her body continued to rise until she felt a small pair of hands gently make contact with her arms.

“Breathe, Maki. Just Breathe. You’re safe.”

She blinked, slowly coming back to reality. Nico’s voice was making it through the haze as Maki struggled to breathe normally. She didn’t know when she had started shaking. She just knew that her right arm was hurting. No, it was screaming. She was reliving that moment. She didn’t want to slip back there. But she had a life line in Nico, who continued to talk her down.

After what seemed like an eternity, Maki was able to see her apartment again. Nico was standing in front of her as she sat on a bench. She was stroking Maki’s hair out of her face, asking her small questions making sure she was okay.

When Maki had fully calmed down, Nico continued to watch her, her cheerful demeanor replaced with a full quiet worry. She didn’t want to let go of Maki but as Maki stared clearly at her at last, Nico let her hands return to her own side. Maki instantly missed her touch but she didn’t know if she could say that outloud.

“Do you want some water?” Nico asked quietly.

“Please.” Maki’s voice was almost nonexistent.

“Ok, I’ll be right back.” Nico smiled softly at her and went back to the kitchen.

Maki slumped forward, sitting with her head in her right hand. Her right wouldn’t obey her no matter how hard she tried. It only throbbed and ached so she let it fall to her side until it rested on the hard bench she sat on.

The texture felt familiar. Maki looked down, seeing where she had landed: her piano bench. She tensed again, fighting off another panic attack with the last bit of will she had. She reminded herself that it wasn’t on purpose. Nico had just steered her to the nearest seat so she could calm her down. That was all.

Maki shut her eyes, letting her left hand fall to the bench as well. She ran her fingers over the surface. This used to be her favorite place. She’d spent thousands of hours of her life practicing the piano but she hadn’t touched it since the accident. Months had come and gone. And she hadn’t been able to even try.

She turned slightly, looking at the dust covered lid hiding the black and white keys her fingers had been so familiar with. She fidgeted, bringing her left hand up to rub her arm. Immediately she felt the scar from the surgery there. The scar that meant she’d never been able to play like she used to play. The scar that she hated because it meant that her arm would never be normal again. Her hand would never move again with the precision she had taught herself over the course of her life.

Maki felt a nudge on her left side.

“Hey,” Nico’s voice made her turn away from the piano. She could feel the tears prickling at the edges of her eyes but she couldn’t hide them. Not after what had just happened. But she kept them at bay as best as she could.

“I brought the water.” Nico offered the glass to Maki, helping her take it with her good hand. Her right hand was still useless.

Maki sipped at the water, feeling the coolness from it soothe her palette and help clear her thoughts slightly. Nico watched on so intently that Maki wanted to look away. So, she did.

“You’re staring, you know.” Maki murmured. Her voice lacked any emotion she might have otherwise possessed on a day where she felt up to teasing Nico.

“Can’t help it.” Nico said in return, her gaze never wavering. “I’m worried about you.”

Maki continued staring in silence at the piano in front of her. Nico watched her and the cycle of silence continued until Maki had finished off the last drop of water in the glass. She handed it back to Nico, finally looking at her.

“Did you want to play?” Nico asked.

Maki seemed confused until Nico gestured to the piano gathering dust behind her.

“You looked like you wanted to.” Nico added.

Maki laughed derisively. “Doesn’t matter what I want.”

“Yes it does. Don’t sell yourself short.”

“Why? Because that’s your job?” Maki felt her words lash out before she could stop herself. They contained more vitriol than she had intended. It had just happened. She deflated, looking down at her lap. “Sorry,” she murmured.

Nico shook her head. “No harm. But I do think you should play if you want to.” Nico moved over to Maki’s right side and began to lift the lid off the keys. “No use doing anything else if it isn’t making you happy.”

The fabric cover came off of the keys next, revealing their shine. It’s as if Maki had just played them yesterday. The thought made her burn uncomfortably. She didn’t want to take that feeling out on Nico again, so Maki moved to stand up. But as she did, she felt Nico’s hands on her shoulders, keeping her in place.

“Let me go.” Maki hissed, not looking at Nico or the piano.

“No.” Nico said simply. “I want you to play. You’ve been avoiding everything. And you’ve been avoiding this. I think it’s time you played the piano again.”

“I can’t.” Maki’s voice broke.

“Yes you can.” Nico insisted, though she stood behind her without moving anymore. “You just need to try.”

“No,” Maki gritted her teeth. “I mean I can’t. My hands won’t work. I can’t play the piano with broken hands.”

“You only have one ‘broken’ hand,” Nico corrected. Her hand ghosted down Maki’s right arm but was careful to avoid her scar. “You still have your left hand. You can play with that.”

Maki knew that Nico was trying to be encouraging, but she didn’t understand. She would always be incomplete. She’d never been the pianist she had been again.

“You need two hands to play the piano, Nico-chan.” Maki was trembling again. “And I...I only have one. That won’t do me any good.”

Nico’s arms wrapped around her from behind again, letting Maki settle into her. Maki didn’t run but she felt so afraid. She hadn’t said it outloud. This was the first time she had admitted to anyone she would have to give up on what she loved.

“You’re wrong.” Nico whispered near her ear. It was gentle, warm. “You’ve got two.”

Maki’s fury rose in her chest. She pushed herself away from Nico and out of the hug. The adrenaline that shot through her from her erratic emotions. She wanting to slam her hand into the ivory keys in front of her that felt like they were mocking her. She shakily raised her right hand, intending to do so now that her anger was giving her her movement back, but before she could do so, Nico’s hand stopped it mid air.

“None of that.” Nico chided gently. “You’ll just hurt yourself.”

“I’m already hurt.” Maki’s angry tears only emphasized the pain in her voice. “I’m broken.”

“No, you’re not. You’re not broken. Your hand was hurt. But that doesn’t mean you should hurt yourself more,” Nico loosened her grip on Maki’s damaged hand, letting it return to her lap. “And besides, Nico can’t watch Maki-chan hurt herself. It hurts Nico too.”

Nico walked around and stood in front of Maki. She wiped away the tears that had been falling with a few gentle swipes of her thumb.

“And Nico thinks that if you want to play the piano you should, Maki-chan.”

Maki sighed again. She shut her eyes. “Nico-chan. I said I can’t. Only one hand works.”

“That is not a problem!” Nico said, confidently.

Maki opened her eyes in surprise. “What do you mean?” She stared at Nico as she made Maki scoot over on the bench and she sat on her right side.

“I mean, that isn’t a problem.” Nico grinned at her. The worry in her face was replaced by confidence.

Maki raised an eyebrow as she turned on the bench to face the piano.

“Now,” Nico said, gesturing to the keys in front of them. “Play something.”

“But---”

“No ‘buts’. Play something.”

Maki brought her hands up to the keys. Her right hand shook with apprehension, unable to control it or move her fingers into the position she needed. She tried to will it to do what she wanted but it was futile. She didn’t play a single note before she lowered her hands again in frustration.

“Nico--”

She felt Nico’s hand on her right hand, stroking the back of it.

“One step at a time.” Nico encouraged. “Try with just your left hand.”

Maki raised her left hand, hovering it above the keys. It shook from nervousness but it moved how she wanted it. She lowered it to the keys and began to play a few chords, one after the other. With each sound that resonated from the strings, Maki felt her confidence increase. It was nothing like she was used to but the baby steps still felt good.

She smiled, truly, for the first time in weeks. She continued to move her hand and play chord after chord. She let her hand go on autopilot as she turned to look at Nico, wanting to thank her for pushing her forward.

That’s when she heard the melody join in.

Her head snapped quickly to look at the piano keys. A smaller, less delicate hand had joined Maki’s as it played. Nico’s hand had joined her.

“W-what are you doing?” Maki’s mouth felt dry.

“Playing with you, duh.” Nico rolled her eyes as her hand continued to play the melody.

In response, Maki found herself left hand unable to stop playing the chords.

“No, I mean, when did you learn to play?” Maki asked, amazed. Nico had never been able to play the piano before.

“Since Nico started practicing.” Nico puffed out her chest. “Nico can do anything when she puts her mind to it. And so can her friends.” She smiled at Maki, nudging her gently.

Maki felt her face heat up. She could only nod. Nico had always been able to do anything she wanted. It was her charm, her magnetism. Maki had always admired that ability, that confidence.

They continued to play and finally the song came to a soft end. The two sat quietly as the last chord faded around them.

Maki wasn’t gonna cry again. She didn’t want to but she felt everything inside her begin to overflow.

“T-thank you,” Maki managed to croak out at last.

Nico felt so near to her already and then she placed a hand on Maki’s right hand, gently intertwining their fingers together.

“Nico will be Maki-chan’s right hand anytime she needs it.”


End file.
